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    • Sure hope they spell my name correctly on these motherfuckers. http://t.co/feAAtikH 1 day ago
    • And then @OnAFoldDraw hits the #ribeye button and lands at MY table. 1 day ago
    • Very first hand in the @delawarepark 7pm tourney, I dbl up: JJ>TT JT6 8 4 ~ The way thus is starting off doesn't suck. 1 day ago
    • I have overwhelming urges to yell "Fuck you, cocksucker!!" when tourney directors announce that 'foul & abusive language' isn't tolerated. 1 day ago
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    • Friend: I'm on a diet, so I'm keeping track of everything I put into my body by serving size. Me: How many servings are random dick? 2 days ago
    • So Jesus turned water into wine... big deal. I turn money into tears all the time & nobody worships ME. 2 days ago
    • Friend: I'm so jealous of your creativity! Me: Don't be. It just means that when I become the crazy cat lady, they'll all have cool names. 3 days ago
    • There's no point in having a killer body if you're just gonna dress like it's 1992 & raining. Step it up, hot girls. 3 days ago
    • Boning a fat & ugly person is like fist-fighting a cop. You don't really WANNA do it, but you will if you're drunk & desperate. 4 days ago
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